What a beautiful morning already! As I sit in my comfy stitching chair, with our snuggly puppy beside me, I am listening to the birds singing, and thinking how lucky I am right now!
I have been struggling, for a couple of years now, to find balance in my life. I have worked hard to become a good nurse. And I have had a desire to advance, one step at a time from an LPN, to my Associates Level RN, and pushing on for my Bachelor's. Through all of this, I have had my husband, my three boys, and our extended family that I need to spend time with. Somewhere in there I had to maintain a home which consists of ten acres. And I have friends, and hobbies I would like to enjoy as well. How do we do it all?
Until recently, I didn't realize just how much I struggle balancing all of this. I guess I tend to focus everything I have on one thing at a time. My job has been my priority for a while now. I truly loved, loved being a hospice nurse, but I knew it was consuming my life, and I gave up that job to become a Director of Nursing. I thought changing jobs would make the difference, what an eye opening experience! As I jumped into learning about my new endeavor, my classes moved to the back burner, as did everything else. My successful business as a scrapbook consultant no longer exists, I have at least 30 stitching pieces that are started, and neglected, and my poor family and friends! I hate to look at the condition of my home right now.
As of two weeks ago, I am no longer employed. I did not deal very well with the inequities in my life, and began to feel very stressed. I am sad to say that I allowed my stress to change the person I was, and it was not turning out well at work. At first, I was ecstatic, and then I realized not having a job has made me depressed! I feel that I should be using the knowledge I have struggled so hard to gain, yet there is peace knowing that I have one less obligation at the moment. So many emotions every single day.
This week, I have studied, a LOT! I am trying to make up for lost time. And last night, when my husband came home from work, and had to cut grass, because I couldn't find any time in my busy day to do any part of it, I felt guilty. I am struggling to create a new routine in my day. I have exercised faithfully, and kept a couple of extra pounds at bay. I have returned to stitching, even finished a work in progress! But, my struggle continues, find some time every day, to do a little bit of this, a little of that, not an all or nothing.
Today, the new routine I am trying to pull together, gets all out of sorts! My 7 year old granddaughter will be here in an hour. I will have her for 24 hours. It has been a long time since i have spent this much time with an energetic child, and I am afraid, and excited! We are going to pack up, and head down to the beach, so I hope it gets a little warmer outside! And I think we'll have a campfire and teach her to make s'mores tonite. Is there a chance I'll focus all of my attention on just her today, nothing else? Quite possibly. I'll work on that finding a perfect balance later this week...........
